Rail Wars! – Episode 5: My train is the train that will pierce your station!

Yay, it’s time for our favorite show of the season, Rail Wars!, the only show that helps us staying alive for one more week by giving us our weekly dose of boobs, as prescribed by any good doctor. Thanks, Rail Wars!, you’re a lifesaver!

Today, the show focuses on our hero and his #1 girl in his harem, I’m talking about Tsuntsun Sakurai, of course! The episode opens on Sakurai interrupting the nice little circuit our hero built in his room for his miniature train, as it crashes right into her boobs. Dang it, Sakurai, get your shit together, we mean serious business here! Get your big chest elsewhere!

One question, though: how on Earth did our hero manage to build this circuit that goes all around the room, to the point where it even blocks the door? He must reaaaaally love trains, that’s for sure. Ah well, after this introduction, we’re certainly on a good track (track, trains, get it? teehee)

Our two lovebirds then head towards the shooting stand for a little training session, in which Tsuntsun once more expresses her complete and indisputable domination over our hero. Aaah, to crush a male in his own domain, that must feel really good in her kokoro. She lectures her partner about how he needs to be strong and all, because he’s a guy and he needs to know how to shoot properly, otherwise bad guys will always laugh at him like they always did in the past episodes, which by the way never really affected our hero since he somehow manages to get all the praise even when it’s clear that he did nothing extraordinary. And that’s precisely what pisses our Tsuntsun I guess, hence her rant. She too would love to get some recognition for her skills! She trained hard for this, you see! She’s not only boobs and butt, she’s also an efficient agent on the field!

Don’t mind my unnecessary bent pose.

But it’s not enough for Sakurai who then decides to step it up and force our poor dude to join her in a game of paintball. The dude is definitely a softy, so he gets wrecked, but he manages to get a shot or two at her skirt, so it’s worth it, I guess! Plus she has the upper hand, literally, and wears nothing but her skirt, so she kinda asked for it, if you want my opinion. Still he successfully shots her right where it matters, leaving an ugly green stain on her tights, which makes our Tsuntun blush a little. Uguu, the guy shot right between my leg, oh my! Do you see the sexual metaphor yet? Well, that’s a first Yamete Kudasai for you, Rail Wars!

Ooops, seems like I hit the right spot, didn’t I?

This skirt, man, it’s like a second skin. I mean DAYUM GIRL.

Anyway, because we can’t build our episode exclusively on fanservice and sneaky shots (or can we?), it’s time to introduce this week’s plot. Remember our bomber from episode 2, I believe? Well, guess what, he had an accomplice. You never saw it coming, uh? So our little guys are told to be steady and cautious, even though technically it’s not their duty to arrest that guy if they ever encounter him. But Tsuntsun didn’t get the memo, she never does, so she plans on arresting that second bomber, no matter what. Once a hothead, always a hothead!

By pure chance, and I mean by absolutely pure chance, she spots the guy and decides to chase him, thus completely discarding what their busted leader lady told them, but whatever, YOLO you know! She embarks our hero with her, and they follow the guy in a train.

At least there’s no discrimination for the shots, but uh do we really need this one?

At that point in the episode, my attention was already gone. I mean, tailing a guy for an entire episode? My God, talk about something boring. Our two spies do literally nothing but watch the guy from a distance. You wouldn’t want him to be scared, would you? So they just stand in the wagon next to his. Okay. Sometimes we get some fanservice, as the train brakes, thus leading our protagonists to bump into each other. Uguu, Takayama, stop touching me, you baka!

 

 

After that, I don’t know, I don’t remember, I didn’t care enough to keep track of all the bullshit Rail Wars threw at me. Ah yes, the bomber spot them and flees, so they follow him outside. It’s raining, so we have another splendid shot at Sakurai, this time she’s soaking, how fortunate! She enters some underground tunnel and let her deredere side speak out loud, waiting for our hero to save her or something. I don’t know man, why do I keep watching this? It’s complete garbage.

B-b-baka!

The dude finds her, like a brave knight on his majestic…locomotive. Okay, well that’s surely romantic in a world governed by trains, I guess. Tsuntsun is quite happy, but she doesn’t show it. Instead, she prefers dropping her pants and sleeps only in Takayama’s upper uniform. Sweet banana, enough with this hide-and-seek.

Now, I don’t know how, but Tsuntsun spots our bomber again, like he had all the night to escape and go far far away but somehow he thought it would be cool to stay instead and be found again. Worry not, dear customers, with bad guys like this one you can travel without concern, for they are as dumb as coconuts. So it’s a chase again, with Tsuntsun being all pumped and everything, and Takayama following as much as he can.

“You there! Stop!”, she says. “Okay!”, the bomber says. And since he has no other choice if he wants to carry on his plan, he drops his bag, which contained a bomb. We hear the device is active and is about to explode, which it does a few seconds later.

Wait, what?

I don’t get it: was the device active all along? Why didn’t it explode sooner? Why now? If it’s something like the previous bomb which could be triggered by movement, shouldn’t it have exploded a long time ago, when our bomber ran off with it? Or it activated just as he threw the bag. Why? How? My head hurts, it’s so stupid. Here, take this, Rail Wars!, another Yamete Kudasai seal of quality right there.

Someone, tell the production team skirts don’t work like this.

So the tracks is damaged, and a train is coming. It they want to avoid some serious accident, our two superheroes have to do something and quick. Luckily, they’re near a barrier which protects the track from rockfalls. If they could just hit a wire, that would trigger the alarm, thus warning the train conductor that rocks block the way, even though it’s not true, but hey, it’s just the same. Tsuntsun needs to shoot the wire, but her arm has been hurt a little by the explosion. She needs something to stabilize it, or someone, ah but who could do the trick?

Our hero, of course! He acts like…I don’t know, I don’t get it, all I know is that he helps her shooting straight, allowing him meanwhile to grope her a bit, don’t mind me my lovely Tsuntsun, I’m just fondling your ass, it’s called “to give and to receive”, right?

Right.

Yamete Kudasai level:

This episode is pretty heavy on the sexual innuendos, which is something I loathe in animes. Just go to porn already if you want something to jerk off.